I had a brief “missionary mother’s moment” at 6:15 this morning…imagining dropping my son off at the MTC. I imagined the two sweet elders that would greet us as we pulled to the curb, removed Colby’s belongings from the car, and sent him on his way. I imagined saying to them “This is my only son. Please welcome him, help him, guide him, and love him as I will not be around to do it for the next two years.” Now I know that these two elders will not be with my son the whole time he’s out doing the Lord's work. I know that trust in the Lord and leaning on Him to welcome, help, guide, and love Colby is the only thing that will get me through the next two years. But I imagine myself needing to say it out loud to someone. Anyone. These two unknown elders are the first, and only, individuals I meet at the MTC.
Maybe I should define “Missionary Mother’s Moment.” It is any “moment” I have, whether panic-stricken or spirit-filled, in regards to my only son being gone from me for two years in the service of the Lord. The panic-stricken moments are filled with anxiety and tears, knowing that I will not be with him to help allay his fears; over-come difficult moments and challenges; keep him safe. The spirit-filled moments are also filled with anxiety and tears, but the kind that are sweetly reminded that he is in the Lords hands, and all will be well. Each “moment” varies in length, and sometimes I am so overcome with sadness and tears that’s it’s hard to function normally. Other times I am so overcome with strength and (proudness) that it’s difficult to understand why I have my panic-stricken times.
I am so very proud of Colby and his desire to serve a mission. I am proud of the way he has lived his life to this point, staying faithful and being an amazing example to all. I am proud of his courage, to step into the unknown with faith in his Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I hope to have acquired a smidgen of his faith by the time he returns home.
We’ve officially begun his mission paperwork. We’ve been to the dentist, and completed his physical with the doctor. I still need to ask for an increase in my anxiety medication dosage…I think i’m going to need it =)
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It's snowing as I look out my home office window this morning. As much as I hate the snow, I'm finding it oddly comforting today. It's a "wet" snow, and as the drops hit my window they make a comforting, rhythmic sound. We have a rather "laid-back" agenda for today...a visit to the doctor's office to check on Colby's TB test, a short trip to the mailbox for any new Christmas cards. The rest of the day will be spent savoring our last holiday season (for a while anyway) with Colby. I'm trying not to think about next Christmas, or the one after that when he will be absent from our family. I'm trying instead, to just enjoy the now. It's not very exciting, we watch movies, play games, shop for poster frames (Colby received two posters for Christmas, da Vinci's "Last Supper," and van Gogh's "Starry Night") and chat about silly things. I like it though, if the conversation got any heavier, I'd start to panic, so we keep it light.
I was awakened earlier by the snow plow as it made it's noisy way down our street. No one else is up yet, so I think I will get to some "creating." I have an online "shop" where I hope to sell some of my creations to help us fund Colby's mission. I don't know how successful it will be, but I try to keep this scripture in mind as I work...
"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them." 1 Nephi 3:7
I know that He will help us support Colby on his mission by "preparing a way."
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